Edge?

What is edge? It has been so long since I last wrote her, and with the advent of the summer and what I am hoping will be a plethora of new time... mostly to WRITE, I feel like I need to begin with this blog in the beginning. Hmmmm, a very good place to begin, as Mary Poppins said. Wow-- ?!? No, you might be wondering: How much sleep has this blogger had? But, before digressing too far, what is the purpose of this blog? It seems to me that this space is mostly for story telling. Storytelling and musing... and for me, in this genre, edge is always paramount: Edge is the tension-point, the point of incarnation (where two opposites meet to create something new, even if just momentarily). I desire to use this space to write and give birth to the stories in my heart and mind... that they might find a place to live.... even if just ever so briefly.

Latest Poem

I wrote this for "Seminary Night Live" yesterday evening... It is still in the editing stages but I felt ready to be shared with the world.. at least the virtual world. ;)

Enjoy!

“I Hear Seminary Singing”

Part 1

I hear seminary singing—Not, perhaps, in the usual Whitman-like way: proud, robust, positing presumed pragmatic strength.

… And yet, as a matter of fact, as a matter of course, as a matter of mere mentioning, perhaps these songs are just as palpable and true.
Perhaps Whitman himself would be pleased.

What carols do I hear?

A jubilant registrar sings, alchemizing empty schedules into full & hoped-for ones – just that stamp, that golden seal.
She does it all.
Another sings out existential phrases, pondering postmodern complexity, recognizing one’s liberation in contrast to their own ancestors’ worldview:
When will the blame game be gone?
The brother beside me sings as well—although his he does by traveling abroad.
Still another with daring heart, awash in the angled-nuances of life-- she sings her heart into being.
She lights a candle.
Amidst every painful reason not to, she becomes Easter personified

We sing theology.
We sing vulnerability.
We sing the faith.
We sing to celebrate.


I tear-up, open-heartedly, when my classmate preaches.
We are flamboyant and fortunate.
I wonder and worry about saying goodbye in a few years:
We are dreamers and earth-shakers, and sometimes we remember,
We recall what brought us to these castles in fairy tale Marin.
Then….
I hear seminary singing:

In the chapel services from 10:15-10:45,
A woman typing a memo in office space,
Another advocating for the homeless,
Still another wanting more to serve,
Another trying to come home—
In whatever way that means.


Amidst promises and pains of irrelevance and relevancy.
Seminary sings
And the song is beautiful!

For as I walk up our prodigious hill,
I stop for a moment, catching my breath.
A small cleft in the sidewalk discloses like surprise:
A lizard moving in and then quickly out of view.

I think: This lizard is like Grace.
So suddenly Grace appears.
It is in this that I realize our Grace,
That when seminary sings,
the I becomes the We.

Realization

Today I struck upon an important realization: Letting Go. It is hard to let go, especially when you care so deeply... But to care for something and in something that is not mutual, it brings a kind of violence: a short-sided unhappiness, a gritting your teeth and bearing it. Our society speaks so much about love: It infiltrates our music stations and general music collections, but what about the simply beautiful task of putting down self-criticism, of laying down blame, of stopping to judge the other and simply hold them, lovingly, hand-in-hand, with their vulnerability. Some of us might want answers. I certainly know that I have felt this way. But what I want more deeply... what the ego cannot give..... is the simply joyous task of ceasing the endless cycle of want... so that I can be present to today.... and in today, I found so many precious and beautiful things... as well as a new friend. I wonder when I look back at this post: What will I think? Such naivety. Such sappiness. Such lack of true insight. But to that critic then and to this critic now I say the only thing I know: You are loved, Elizabeth-- even when you do not feel it. Go and dare to show that same love to others. Mean it.

"For Presence"

I just received this beautiful poem from the Panhala listserv.....

For Presence

Awaken to the mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.

Have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.

Receive encouragement when new frontiers beckon.

Respond to the call of your gift and the courage to
follow its path.

Let the flame of anger free you of all falsity.

May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame.

May anxiety never linger about you.

May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of
soul.

Take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek
no attention.

Be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul.

May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven
around the heart of wonder.

~ John O'Donohue ~

(To Bless the Space Between Us)

Homecoming....

Being back home in CA, which I reached last Monday-- I have only been home one week... In this time I have learned (and been reminded of) a number of things: More on the four letter word that has been captivating my attention, how to drive to the South bay two times, how to roller skate, how to fall asleep with a lot on my mind, and how to drift into sleep with thick slumber, how significant it is when someone takes the time to listen as well as speak, give as well as receive, that I want to meditate, that I need to keep praying, that stories can be so profusely inspiring that you feel like you are putting together colorful gems from which you create something greater, and that love is not needing someone to be happy but rather more so working and hoping for another's happiness ... I have learned that I am not as old as I might think, and I have noticed that my hair is growing longer. I really can be simple. I panic. Yet, I am not panicky. I doubt and want answers. Sometimes, I don't want to know. I like raw, sweet carrots as well as running in the rain. When I am around true friends, my whole beings feels ready to radiate. At times, knowledge declares but wisdom listens.......

I have also learned that sometimes the truth hurts-- but, cliche as it is and most likely sounds, it sets us free. But we cannot lay aside our connection to the One from whom all things come--- Anchored amidst freedom & with freedom, we can live more open-handed... We can learn to love and not need to possess. We can let go as well as hold close. I have learned that I am still learning. Sometimes I don't want to learn at all. Sometimes I am so grateful for all the learning that I feel like a little child doing somersaults down a safe hill in my back yard.

Would that we could all dare to understand the truth that propels us?! Would we resist using each other as pawns but rather recognize all the uniqueness, all the wonder, all the potential. Friendship. Yes, I am still learning.

Birthdays are all about Facebook Love. YAY!

Integrity

Integrity: It makes sense that it is all about integration--- that all the parts of your self make up a whole, a unified whole. I am striving to embody integration in the fullest sense.... while keeping my heart open to those around me.