I woke up with a question this morning... (well, sometime during the morning): Am I living my life the way that I've always wanted and dreamed (Shyam's question)? How can I relax whatever fears I have and continue to live into the moment-- compose that "Little Guru" story I am always crafting in my head, lay to rest too many considerations about the future-- all will come to fruition soon--- and just be me! :) I saw a woman, holding a baby in a sack that holds the baby to your stomach, and I was awed by the simplicity and beauty. I want to be simple and beautiful. .... in the way that is me. I am... and will continue....

poetic musing....

Today was brilliant and lovely... What did I learn??? Or what am I experiencing? The reminder of the beauty of not acting, of calm, of rest.... These things are filling me now, and it is like there is new air flowing in my lungs, and somewhere, deep within, my heart is singing...

Wow.

I am now a candidate for Ministry of Word & Sacrament in the Presbyterian Church (USA). Word & Sacrament: Literature meets Religion..... Being a candidate has stopped me, delightfully, in my tracks-- like another kind of deep conversion. I am so happy. I feel so happy. This is meaningful......... and not about me, alone.

New Day

Wow. Today the day greets me with the usual lethargy and fatigue of the last two days. I feel like I am trying to make up sleep deficits from the last year... But it is so good to try to stay still... or rather, stay still, sleep, and type. This is a good discipline. I feel like I am back at Taize at the silent retreat, where I learned the beauty of just staying still and felt God inspiring me simply to use the time to sleep-- Totally not a cop-out!

At the moment, I have this strange propulsion to sleep and read at the same time and am wondering if my mind and body would be content with reading my dreams for awhile......

Edge?

What is edge? It has been so long since I last wrote her, and with the advent of the summer and what I am hoping will be a plethora of new time... mostly to WRITE, I feel like I need to begin with this blog in the beginning. Hmmmm, a very good place to begin, as Mary Poppins said. Wow-- ?!? No, you might be wondering: How much sleep has this blogger had? But, before digressing too far, what is the purpose of this blog? It seems to me that this space is mostly for story telling. Storytelling and musing... and for me, in this genre, edge is always paramount: Edge is the tension-point, the point of incarnation (where two opposites meet to create something new, even if just momentarily). I desire to use this space to write and give birth to the stories in my heart and mind... that they might find a place to live.... even if just ever so briefly.

Latest Poem

I wrote this for "Seminary Night Live" yesterday evening... It is still in the editing stages but I felt ready to be shared with the world.. at least the virtual world. ;)

Enjoy!

“I Hear Seminary Singing”

Part 1

I hear seminary singing—Not, perhaps, in the usual Whitman-like way: proud, robust, positing presumed pragmatic strength.

… And yet, as a matter of fact, as a matter of course, as a matter of mere mentioning, perhaps these songs are just as palpable and true.
Perhaps Whitman himself would be pleased.

What carols do I hear?

A jubilant registrar sings, alchemizing empty schedules into full & hoped-for ones – just that stamp, that golden seal.
She does it all.
Another sings out existential phrases, pondering postmodern complexity, recognizing one’s liberation in contrast to their own ancestors’ worldview:
When will the blame game be gone?
The brother beside me sings as well—although his he does by traveling abroad.
Still another with daring heart, awash in the angled-nuances of life-- she sings her heart into being.
She lights a candle.
Amidst every painful reason not to, she becomes Easter personified

We sing theology.
We sing vulnerability.
We sing the faith.
We sing to celebrate.


I tear-up, open-heartedly, when my classmate preaches.
We are flamboyant and fortunate.
I wonder and worry about saying goodbye in a few years:
We are dreamers and earth-shakers, and sometimes we remember,
We recall what brought us to these castles in fairy tale Marin.
Then….
I hear seminary singing:

In the chapel services from 10:15-10:45,
A woman typing a memo in office space,
Another advocating for the homeless,
Still another wanting more to serve,
Another trying to come home—
In whatever way that means.


Amidst promises and pains of irrelevance and relevancy.
Seminary sings
And the song is beautiful!

For as I walk up our prodigious hill,
I stop for a moment, catching my breath.
A small cleft in the sidewalk discloses like surprise:
A lizard moving in and then quickly out of view.

I think: This lizard is like Grace.
So suddenly Grace appears.
It is in this that I realize our Grace,
That when seminary sings,
the I becomes the We.

Realization

Today I struck upon an important realization: Letting Go. It is hard to let go, especially when you care so deeply... But to care for something and in something that is not mutual, it brings a kind of violence: a short-sided unhappiness, a gritting your teeth and bearing it. Our society speaks so much about love: It infiltrates our music stations and general music collections, but what about the simply beautiful task of putting down self-criticism, of laying down blame, of stopping to judge the other and simply hold them, lovingly, hand-in-hand, with their vulnerability. Some of us might want answers. I certainly know that I have felt this way. But what I want more deeply... what the ego cannot give..... is the simply joyous task of ceasing the endless cycle of want... so that I can be present to today.... and in today, I found so many precious and beautiful things... as well as a new friend. I wonder when I look back at this post: What will I think? Such naivety. Such sappiness. Such lack of true insight. But to that critic then and to this critic now I say the only thing I know: You are loved, Elizabeth-- even when you do not feel it. Go and dare to show that same love to others. Mean it.